You let me down

I wasn't about to bring it up, but.... *sighs I guess New Moon didn't attract my attention quite much. Maybe part of it was because Edward appeared less? Idk. Seriously, the ending wasn't even like what i predicted or expected, i imagined the proposal would be in a more romantic kind of way. Besides, the music..... Could you just find a better one? damn it.

Not to be critical, but, it's not really that satisfying. But just because there's edward (who i'd been waiting for, like ages), i could tolerate. See, he's the point why i could make an excuse not to unlike New Moon. :))
The movies were not really what i hoped for. The novels were preferable, that's because Edward was described as a very patient, romantic, protective, unselfish vampire. And not to mention, he was drop dead handsome-well, that's my opinion because most of my friends didn't feel the same way :(
You'd get what i mean if u read the novels, about how Edward loved Bella in his own way, i was so jealous.

But honestly, i'd be willing to watch it again. Once will never be enough for me *giggles

His name no longer sends an electric shock

Well well well... i think that it's a good title to emphasize what i'm going to say.
I'm so happy, or in other words..... i'm relieved. YEAHHH!!! finally i can get over it, like 90% sure about that. seriously,few months ago, when some of my friends mentioned his name, well, it's kind of torturing. maybe because i was still in pain and the fact that i'm still single supports that. So last days or weeks ago, my friends talked about him or something like that, i was quite shocked that i didn't react on it like i usually had. It's not something big but i can say it's something that i've been desperately hoping to feel.
so, i just hate people who show their sympathy towards me every now and then when i've finally recovered. like, people who throw me a quick glance before they say His name, like they're afraid it might hurt me or something. Come on! knock it off.

I can finally see things from the bright side. Thanks time.. What would i be without you?

Time passes, again again and again.
And it's almost the end of 2009. I keep saying about that. But really, it's so pointless. what to be complained about something u have no power to change? Even the tiniest bit of it?

The Heat is On

I Heart this One the MOST (above)

This one is EFFING cool

Currently i'm reading Eclipse the second time. Not that i'm so crazy about the whole Twilight thing, but i just bought it while i was abroad and obviously it's an English version. I have to practise my vocabs, and i think it's a good one to start with.
Reading the 3rd chapter of Twilight, i sort of envy Bella, it gets stronger now and then. She got this kind of love that maybe doesn't exist in the real world. Or maybe there is, who knows? I envy her and all.. But that's just some fiction story and i have no reason to be jealous of such thing.

Gah! it's just too annoying when i put myself too deep while i am reading and find it hard when reality works the other way round. But sometimes, i need it for some self-entertaining though. What else can be better than a wild imagination? I mean....i can have my way. It's better, because i don't find it when i get back from my leverie.

So the movie is on the block and i can't wait, like seriously. i know i sound overboard but isn't that how WE* feel? *Twilight freaks :Like, really LOVE, not just love. Or maybe LOVE Edward? mwahahahauhauaa *evil laugh.
Days left and we'll be watching New Moon with Popcorns in our hands, yelling here and there. I can feel the thrill right now!

Teasing

i laughed whilst i was watching it. it's great how everything is composed so perfectly. u should just watch.

it's just that

i'm not too into writing right now, but well i've got nothing to do so i think this is a better idea besides doing nothing.
my holiday was quite fun, because it was not raining like the holiday before. except the night when we (read : my mom & I) arrived, it's raining. but it didn't really matter because we arrived at night, it's not that heavy indeed. and as soon as we checked in, we headed to the nearest food center right after that.
ermm, probably i'll go there, again, in december. so just pray that my mom will consider bringing me with her again. *chuckles
but that's not a good news. i have some reasons that i just can't tell.
off the record, things got pretty complicated. it's not about the holiday. it's just something i can't tell, at least not now?

apart from that, these days i appear to be more to the mysterious-part. i tend to keep things to myself. and the worst case is, i feel like it has good and bad sides. the good sides are only certain people related know about that and no one judges you. in other words, the secret remains unrevealed until you publish it.
the bad sides are you can't hear any suggestions and u see things from your own point of view and yes, i know it's not good. i would love to share it to my closest ones. but i think it's not the right time and i need some space to think it more thoroughly. i suppose it's just about time.=)

i don't know how this will end. everything is nearly perfect, but then people say that we have our ups and downs. it's tough by the way, especially when i find myself not capable of doing something right except something useless and unhelpful. i just wish that things will get better in the end. Yes, of course it will. =)

waw

see, it's been a week already and tomorrow i'll be having my midtests over. i am so goddamn happy, plusss..... sunday i'll be off to Penang, again, which is pretty nice. hmm. =)
this semester is filled with calculations rather than theory, which i prefer better, by the way.
i'm so sick of memorizing a thousand of words that i have to keep inside of my head for a couple of hours, just in case i will forget those words all of a sudden. i like calculation, it requires more attention and we have to focus. It's good for me, since i'm lack of concentration and i forget easily. so yeah... it's helpful. :)

well, how's life? i didn't know what happened, because i was not in the mood of knowing. for now, i just want to sleep for hours without having to think about all of those harsh times in life.
after-exams would be boredom. oh yess... guess i'll buy some dvd-s to manage that. I'm addicted to korean movies and i think they are COOL!

Hello, Goodbyes

My life has always been speed up ahead. yes i know that complaining about time seems to be so-yesterday. Am i too stubborn? I've been talking about this since ages and maybe i won't stop. I am ashamed. But couldn't we dream? I wonder if it could just slow down........to a stop. It looks like maybe some of the people we know will use that chance to do whatever they have wished for : doing assignments, sleeping or something like that. But i think i have my own desire. =)

When it comes to a moment when we have to desperately say goodbyes... well, that is the moment i hate the most, seriously. goddamnit. No matter how hard we try to fight the feeling, we lose. There will be some kind of bruises, like punching our stomach, aches.
There are certain moments when we want everything to stop, moments that make us want to turn back time and repeat them all over again. But time doesn't work like the way we expect them to, time has its own way and maybe that's a puzzle we won't be able to solve. And maybe that's the best way for us to learn?? Whatever it is, it won't kill us.So let's face it =)


There are places where we recall our pasts and think about what we should have done or what we shouldn't have. Or maybe like when we sit in the beach, wishing that we are spending each moment of it with people we adore, or we are amazed by its beauty and hoping that we are not going back home and then we can just leave all the rest-all the pressures of studies and works?

For me, there are more moments i hate to let go rather than places. That's because travelling may be once in a year or twice, or not at all-in a year. Well, maybe i hate the time when i can just watch my friends depart-again and again-and finally wave goodbyes. We don't really know what is going to happen. Will we grow old together like how we planned it yesterday?? But i think if we were going to make it happen, there would always be some ways.

beware

I have so much to say and i don't know how to start.
Stefani is around for couple of days and at least i can relax a bit. I don't know why but we can talk like hours about anything, anything that we want. She can be playful but sometimes she can be as wise as a mother talking to her kids. haha =D. She's hardcore, she doesn't judge, talk when u want her to and stop by the time u want nothing but silence.
Off the record, she's great and i love her.

I've been wondering, am i a good friend?

The feeling of uncertainty which i hope it can gradually fade away, is not happening right now. Or maybe it will?

So friends are like family when u get closer. They will shut the hell up when u want them to do so, entertain u with jokes, and everything that is out of your mind. They are just there, as always. Maybe sometimes we got into fight but no longer after that, we simply say sorry and that's it, we put that behind and we walk..... again.
It's supposed to be like that. Friends might be annoying sometimes, they do mistakes, but heyy..... they are not perfect, as u should have known that u aren't, too. So why ruin your friendship with an uncivilized act? That's so pathetic anyway.
So maybe u need some time to clear your head out when they offend you, especially when they do it unintentionally. But at the end, they will ask for your forgiveness and what? u don't want to forgive them? It's unkind and......rude.

They are your best friends and u don't want to regret it later when they turn their back on you because you choose your pride over best friends. That will be a lifetime mistake, does it worth it? You should really take this advice and just loose up a bit. Don't take life too seriously. You will know whether they slip because they don't realize it or they do because they want to hurt you. You eyes are widely opened, right?
Gah! Eventhough if u ever hurt them, did they tell you?

I hope that i've been good enough.

"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair."
- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.

Love is oftenly compared to magic. But isn't magic just an illusion?

Grasping

i feel like sth is wrong with me, but i don't know what it is. I just feel like recently there's a distance between me and my surroundings, a big big range. I know that i'm not in the mood these days, my mood keeps changing and maybe i really have to manage that from now on. Because someday it will be too late and then i have to pay for it. Seriously, that's a big risk. i couldn't even imagine that.

I lose temper easily and then my sister will be the victim, quite often. And now i feel bad about it, i just realized how improper it was to put the blame on others without knowing what kind of person you turn out to be if u keep on doing that. Actually, we are training ourselves to be impatient, overly emotional, and later on, we have to deal with it for the rest of our life. It shows that we are so rude and uneducated. Of course we can't put aside our anger, but i think i'm being too grumpy. Yes, i am. sigh..
I should loose up a bit and take things easily. Because we have to actually be kind to people when we want them to treat us the same way. I will try to change, and i mean it, seriously.

Well, apart from that, i think my days are nearly out of trouble. Except the fact that i'm being to hard on my sister, that's it. Or sometimes she deserves some lessons. So, then i should know when to yell and when to zzzzzpppppp. =)
Her birthday is on the corner and maybe i should buy her gift and say that i'm sorry.
I should really change, not only for her but for all people that i know. =D

LOVE

I was so busy for these couple of days, i sort of helped my parents. things got pretty mixed and messed up. After i arrived home, i was sooo damn tired and better off asleep. so then here's the chance when i can finally post sth and catch up with everything i missed.

I know, sometimes our days are complicated yet tangled. But still, that kind of feeling is not endless, It ENDS.. so that's the good part. =)Hearing good news, a hug, a kiss, serenity, home, family, friends, lover, your bad days will just disappear.. they are some kind of MIRACLEs. I was going through some rough days, but well, i heard good news this morning and i was startled by the fact that both of my friends are about to be in a relationship. I was speechless, but right after that i was happy (*i am happy) and those bad days just vanished. I feel like having a brand new day. It's just that, sounds simple. That's Miracle.

So, love..... No one can ever explain what it feels like until they've experienced themselves. Love is....undescribeable. It's complicated. It gives u happiness, but sometimes it gives you pain. It doesn't matter how u describe what love is, how long sentences u put so that people can know how & what u feel, u will find that it will never, ever be enough. When u feel it, you know better than anyone. No one will ever know how u feel, because they don't feel what u feel. They will be happy of course if u are. But their happiness will never be as big as yours.

Before writing this post, i sort of figured out what kind of a person i am, trying to forget what's behind me, i mean my past. Thanks to my best friend, she didn't tell me this but her happiness taught me to be optimistic. My past is my experience, so how the hell can i improve if i want to press the 'delete' button? No matter how cruel, bitter those experiences are, they teach us something.

There must be something to learn. Some people end up loathing their ex-s, while some people learn to forgive, make friends and let go.. Now i choose to be the second type, i will move on and look forward, but not trying to press the button anymore. Am i doing the right thing?

"Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and strengthening the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy."

self-doubt

well, i really don't care anymore if anyone's paying attention or not. because this is one of the ways on how i could spill out and share things though it's just a blank white page. but however it turns out to be pages full of rants. =) but i'm not proud of it. because that's not achievement. yes i know i complain too much.

i think my life is plain recently, not actually recently but it's plain as always. that's the fact. i wake up every morning, help my parents with their work, college and something like that. those are just repetition from day to day.
not that i'm not grateful with what i have right now, but the truth is i'm not enjoying every single bit of it and i don't feel like there's any challenges. i want to have that college life and so on with couple hours of activities. I know many of them complain of being so busy and exhausted but compared to this? I'd rather choose to be busy. Life is supposed to be......challenging?? yes, of course. but this?? sigghhhhh. i'm just too tired to think about it.

see, when u just spend 2-hour-class from monday to friday, and the teachers are like....... well i just can't say that. and u just have one subject every single class, 'chapters discount' from every book *if u get what i mean*, that's just so uninteresting. That's what i called PLAIN. Not that i am the class' top student so that i could say things like that. but that's the fact and there's no fun in it. 2 hour class is not like studying anymore, it's more to private lesson, like english class that we used to have?yes i'm not smart but i just wish that i could have a longer study hour and activities so i don't have to pass these days doing nothing like......seriously, i'm dying in this stone-age look alike.
i just have to wait wait wait until i graduate and then i could find a job and escape!

Frustrated

I was kind of upset because i had to wait for days before i could have my photos uploaded. Blame my laptop which works like a snail. damn it! besides, my brother is at home and he will be here for a while, and i have to share the internet with him and lucky me, the internet is at HIS room. What a day. I felt like i wanted to throw away and smash my laptop, which i didn't do-Thanks God.

Please just ignore the photos. i just love edward. So yes, i'm in love.. =='

Today was my first day to be back in college. So many juniors here and there. and then i started to reminisce, again and again.

Lots and Loads

That was so horrible

Brother's graduation

The Gift

An unexpected event

I've been abandoning my blog for almost 1 week only? seems like i can't stay far away from this.=)
so last week, which is Monday, i was having a very deep sleep. Then, the knock on the door ruined it, but it was no longer a distraction after i heard good news right after. Hahaha. my mom said 'get up and check for tomorrow's flight to Penang'. So that's it. I went to penang on Tuesday and there's just ME & My Mom. We arrived there at night.

And the worst part was the weather, heavy unstoppable rain, like real. So we spent our days carrying umbrellas everywhere, because everyday was just about raining and that's so damn annoying. Though we took taxi everywhere, i just missed the moment when we can just walk along Gurney.
i didn't take photos, since i didn't get any interests because of what??? the rain. Damn it.
So, here are some details about the trip.

Sunday

i just don't have sth to write.

So today i went out with Angelia and Davin. So maybe i never mentioned Davin before since i'm not a close friend of him and he came from Jakarta yesterday and he'll be heading back to his hometown tomorrow. wth? 2 days only? Actually, he's the cousin of a-person-whose-name-cannot-be-mentioned. haha. I was just joking actually. I don't want to say the name. Because it's annoying. Gah!

I catched up with them at sun (Location : LABetty). Then, we kicked Cambridge for Sushi at Zuma. We prefer (i'm not too into Sushi) Sushi Tei, but since we had parked car at Cambridge, what other option did we have? We were lazyyyyyyyy (read : Angel and i). haha==
Actually, it was more like silent conversation between us, that's because Davin talks Indo, not hokkien. And as we know, when we talk Indo, we will laugh at ourselves because it's totally funny, our accent i mean, it's different. But of course we talked, but not that much. Or because there were 3 of us only?
Then we left Cambridge and went to eat Nasgor in front of Sun. 3 for 2, we shared, because we ate too much already. Haiihh.

Though it was a silent trip, but i can say that it was fun. I don't know why. That's it.

Independence Day

Waw. time really revolves around us. And i can say that TIME is cruel, selfish, and all of the negative ADJECTIVES that i can mention, like for real. helll yeah. ==
It's like 'just last year'. When i look back, i simply know that time just rolls without waiting for you, even when you scream out loud begging and asking it to wait up, TIME won't wait, will they? but i think my theory is right indeed.
The worst case of last year is that we, my family, got through a lot of things that i can't tell you, and i don't think it's wise to publish it to public. The thing is, too many obstacles, sadness, pain. and i can hardly describe it. We thought we would never get through it, though we tried to be optimistic. But then again, after all, we are here and we are totally fine. Right after we were put into that kind of so-called-life-test, we finally realized that the togetherness, the harmony, and patience would bring us to a better stage of life. and that's true.

When we face problems, at first, we think that we will never obtain that kind of strength to stand up and fight. Geez, it's just too much.
Oh and yes, 1 year has passed and last year was exactly the time when i realized that distance really matters. Like, WOW!

Apart from what i just said, i prefer the fact that girls are more loyal compared to boys. They say (and i agree), when a boy frequently meet a girl-eventhough they just hang out together with another gangs-while the boy has a girlfriend, someday, somehow, the boy will feel the sensation that's completely strange towards that girl. So, that's it. He will definitely forget how hard he could finally get a chance to date his girlfriend and then start to chase that girl.
And i wonder, how come boy can be like that? Is that just a nature-call and custom that we can never eliminate?
And damn, they are good at words. Maybe for some of them, they say what they feel. But i believe that most of them tell you sweet words even if they don't really mean it. I don't know, i have that kind of perspective even if u don't agree. How often you heard about a girl breaking a boy's heart apart? Rarely, and i can say 1 out of 10.

Boys have masks which are transparant, so we can hardly know if they put on a mask or not. By that, we are cheated.
You know, at the very first, boys have that pride when they can have you. right after they've got you, they will think 'ahh. i win her'. so, it's like some kind of prestige and satisfaction. Then for a period of time-i believe that u know-, there will be a stage of dullness and you feel that you're in an ordinary and boring relationship. Then what we do? We fight, most of us. But again, most of them DO NOT fight. and it leads to the break-ups.
and based on what i heard, or u can say what i experienced. At the very first time, boys love us more and they give loads of affection, but after a period of time, it will be us who will love them more. Because we are women, that's how things work.
And besides, boys' can't stand the pain of not looking at women who pass in front of them.

ok. That's all. i presume that i've talked too much. For god's sake, why the hell am i talking this shit?? maybe because the extinction of good men will become reality.
ps. I don't say women are all good. Some of them are bitchy, i suppose. So for men, no offense.**

Currently, i am reading Stephenie Meyer's new book. THE HOST. and i bet u know it if u ever took a walk around bookstores these days. It's fresh from the oven, on the entrance and it catches attention, so u will find no difficulties in searching that new book.


and i'm in urgent mode of wanting to collect Twilight Saga-English Version.

Anyway, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Relief

Horaaayyy!! finally exam is totally over and i am so glad to know that. I have 3-week-holiday and i wonder why it has to be that short, actually i was hoping that it could be like months?
this time, the exam, not really disappointing, i suppose. yeah, i hope i can have satisfying scores instead of making-your-eyes-puffy scores.

I always feel like i have nothing to do during holidaysss, in fact that i don't ==. Pathetic, i guess.
My life is full of mystery, and i haven't got any interest to find out, HELP..
Waaa. Actually while i bought writing books for my college needs, i remembered of those times when we bought new books for school and how busy we were preparing for stuffs when we entered the new semester, like wrapping our books. though it's an annoying thing to do (i used to think that way), but, well, i miss those kind of moments, especially now.

*they say you don't know what u've got till it's gone*
-totally true-

I think i'm going to do my very first driving myself, soon*** without my abang supir beside me. But of course there will be my fussy, talkative mom, who will be handling the hand brake in case of my jumpiness which may cause sth bad like 'cannot stop at the time when the car in front of you is too close already'?
Maybe that case will happen. Just wish me luck and i hope i can get rid of my first-ride syndrome.

Stupid

Damn. I was sick and i am still sick. I've been forcing myself to do everything with this unhealthy body of mine. But still, i don't get any better. Next week will be my final exam. I was deciding to study 1 week before the due date. But since i am so lucky-till i get sick-i am unable to do that. What a week =(

I got a fever, and i've recovered from that so-called fever.
But this headache won't go away. and i have to stay put, seriously, because i don't know what to do. Every step has been taken. i get sick most of everytime i'm about to have my exams.

then,
i got into a little fight with my mom last couple of days. and i feel bad about it. Actually not a fight, it's just some misunderstanding.. ahhh. just slip of tongue or sth like that.
so i didn't talk to her for that long and just now, when i got home, i talked to her, like i was disguising because i didn't really want to talk, u know? i didn't really mean it, to talk.
But if i didn't talk, how long could i stand this silence-ship??? well,,,,,
it's not fun, believe me. It's not sth to try at home. because u need someone to talk to. especially, mom. it's so embarassing for me to have done that. what type of person am i?
enough for that.

guess my blog will be so boring without pics. In fact, it already is. haha